How to Lose 20 lbs in 20 Mins Guaranteed!!

For all of y'all out there who are bustin' the calories and drinking the diet couph syrup flavors from your new year's resolutions, there's a new way to do it, and it is guaranteed, with no chance of ever regaining it back!! This last week on the vascular team I was taught proper techniques that works great for diabetics, smokers, and those who suffer from venous stasis and sedentary lifestyle syndromes. Meet Mr. Gigli saw. We call him "Mr. Giggly". One of the fun parts about being a student/intern is you always get to do the sweat work and burn a few calories yourself. So you come in with a foot or leg that is no longer circulating blood like it should and becomes a gangrenous mass--and Mr. Giggly and the gangrenous extremity part their ways, leaving you with a decreased BMI and an anesthetic smile! The extremity is dissected to the bone carefully and then at the bone the saw is slipped behind tibia/fibia and while friction works its magic you can lose up to 20 lbs!!! (results not typical). And if you're worried about that extremity and the ressurrection, we can work it out so you can take it home and bury it yourself. You can go for the typical peg leg, pipe flute, or the athletic spring charged for getting back on the track. Or maybe even have an adjustable hook up for a rake for the fall or a spear for fishing, and a snow shovel for the winter, or perhaps a garden tool for weeding. But really how morbid. Y'all must be thinking how insensitive of me. O well, if it doesn't warm up outside so I can get out and get some exercise, other than the few calories with Mr. Giggly everyday, I just might start enjoying vascular surgery a little too much!!!